It's (finally) 70 degrees out. Mid-April. No clouds. Something straight out of a Bob Ross painting.
For an active 20 something, the first thing you think to do is get breakfast to try and cure your hangover. But THEN you think that its the perfect day for a run. Which is funny because then you remember you hate running and you're not trying to lose any of your righteous gains that you worked so hard for. You're looking really good, by the way. Almost summer ready! You get out of bed and you get dressed and you head to the gym. Its Saturday and you hit all your groups during the week before work because you're obviously a driven individual. So naturally the only rational thing to do is to spend 2 hours lifting and give everything a once over. All the dumbbells. All the cable machines. Even hit that weird inner thigh, baby-birthing muscle machine. Now you have a great inner thigh pump. Make your protein shake and then hit the stair climber for a nice butt-pump. Remember: step down and off with your heels to activate your booty muscles. Your're done so you leave. Guess what?
IT IS EVEN NICER OUTSIDE THAN BEFORE.
Now, you're not an advocate for running in order to lose weight. You won't say it helps but you won't say it hurts. However, while you retired from running a year ago (LOL), you couldn't resist the urge to seize the shit out of this day. Laying outside is great and all but when you're done, you get light-headed and sleepy and sweaty and you did nothing but roll over to tan you new booty.
Against you're better judgement, you lace up. Put on those awesome running shoes on that you only wear when grocery shopping. Grab a hat and stretch out in your front yard. Set out on your sidewalk and there it is: Block after block of contemplating on whether or not you should turn around. Start off at a pace you think you're ready for. Feels good. Sweating out the toxins and releasing all those endorphins. Every mile you run is a justification for another bad habit. 1 Mile down! That's a Big Mac for lunch! 2 miles! Dominick's sangria screaming your name! 3 miles....really? 3 miles is a bit much don't you think?........Oh! I see. You're gonna smoke some hookah after your run. That's just good planning. Should probably do 5 miles so you have some buffer room for whatever shenanigans you come up with later. You're getting tired but you really don't think about how tough it is. Think about your blood pressure. Think about your cholesterol. You know that exercise makes you feel good and being able to do it outside is the icing on the cake. Oh shit! Mile 4 can be for cake!
"WOOF WOOF WOOF!"
That's a noise that dogs make. There is one on a leash in his yard letting you know he would try and murder you if he wasn't being held back. What would you do if the dog got loose and was coming right at you? Run? You're not that fast, Usain. Play dead? Maybe he's dumb enough to believe it. Then your primitive survival instincts kick in and you think that when he lunges at you, mouth wide open, you present your forearm. Let him sink his canines in that muscley, tough appendage of yours. Once he's locked, your dominant hand goes for his throat and your knee goes to his chest as you throw him to the sidewalk. Then you realize you just imagined murdering someones dog and you immediately feel terrible. He probably just wanted to imaginarily lick your imaginary face, you sorry excuse for a human being. It's just a dog! So you start praying some Hail Mary's and hope God forgives you and your dark, dark, tormented soul.
Your house is in sight! Just a bit further. It feels good to push yourself to accomplish something that has made you, arguably, feel good to this point. Why not do this all the time? Why not do something you don't normally do for the benefits of it? You're doing it right now. You can do it again. You're a firework. Let your colors burst. Finish strong. Log your run in your book. Grab some water and then grab a beer. Be proud of yourself. You have the time for it, you just don't think you do because the new season of Daredevil just came out on Netflix. Guess what? It'll be there when you get done. Right there next to Friends and House of Cards. And now you can feel better about finishing those shows up while its still gorgeous outside. Eh. Just keep a window open. Same thing, right?
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