Gym Please-Do-Not-Do's

5 Less Complained About, But Still Terribly Annoying, Gym No-No's

1. Not Putting A Lock On Your Locker

Your ever go to the gym and you put a lock on your locker? Probably always if you're a decent human. You know what happens to that locker when you leave? Literally nothing. People might glance at it but that's about the extent. Have you ever forgotten your lock? You feel naked! You feel uncomfortable and you think about skipping the gym altogether! I have a separate pocket on my gym bag for my lock. So now lets imagine you are the person who never brings a lock. What happens when you so casually leave your stuff in a public cubby while you "run" on the treadmill for 25 minutes? I'll tell you. Person after person opens your locker in hopes they can set down their heavy gym bag but, alas, they can not. There is a pair of flip flops and hoodie in there. Its taken. Imagine that happening 4, 5, 6 times in row. Its a total mood killer. I mean you already took your pre-workout and you just want to change and throw your stuff in a locker so you can get to the weight room to let off some steam. But you can't because you are on a scavenger hunt while contemplating grabbing everything in every unlocked locker and throwing it in the shower..

2. The Crossfit Guy Who Does Crossfit Things In Not A Box

Please pay attention to the heading of this one. This is not a gripe against xfit as a cult following. It is a gripe against the people who do it outside of the cult's temples. My gym has this new guy who, I assume, was exiled from his Box. He takes up 4 areas at once. He makes sure everyone watches him (by flailing or taking excessively loud initial breaths or slamming light weights). You can hear his headphones over yours and I bet you can guess what is playing....Basically the point of this is that a box is set up for a certain type of workout where certain etiquette exists. Same goes for a bikram class or a weight-room. You don't play soccer on a basketball court. So please don't roll your hamstrings in the squat rack. 

3. Posing In The Mirrors In The Weight-Room

I can't tell you how annoying this. First of all, when did publicly being conceited become okay? I'm assuming around the same time as Instagram and Snapchat. Don't misconstrue what I'm saying here; There is nothing wrong with being proud of your accomplishments. Take photos of your progress. I don't care! But there is a time and a place and in the middle of the weight-room during everyone else's workout really isn't it. I'm sure you know how distracting it is when you are doing cable flys and all you can see in front of you is a guy taking bicep selfies. Even if you want to get your pump in the shot, it won't be gone by the time you get to the locker room. Take it there. At least there, you can take some good racy Fapchats too.

4. Casual and Constant Undressing

This person usually exists at every gym and, unfortunately, is normally a dude. He comes in wearing a beanie, a hoodie and sweats. He jumps up and down for a minute or two then does a set. Drinks some water then does another set. Throws off his (already super pointless) beanie. Does another set. On to the next lift. Hits a set. Off comes the hoodie. Now he is in a t-shirt and shorts going into finishing up this specific lift. Off come the sweats as he starts to warm up. Cute girl walks into the gym. Off comes the tee and now he's in a stringer tank and shorts. Gym looks like your bedroom when you were in elementary school. Clothes everywhere. Whats the point of this? Keep your muscles loose? Keep your body temp high? Attention? Who knows, but we do know this: Dude ran out of detergent and called on the Febreeze to handle the job on them sweats. WOOO.

5. When Your Gym Swag Writes A Check Your Lifts Can't Cash

Gym clothes are so great. So many funny t-shirts or tanks to wear to the gym. Deck out your wardrobe and enjoy it. Just know one thing: If you wear a cocky gym shirt to the gym, that is your first impression you give to everyone. The other day, a kid was wearing a tank that said "More definition than the dictionary". Never saw it. Super funny. The kid wearing it, however, was not by any means shredded, Not even skinny cut. Annoyingly enough, he wasn't even soft enough to wear it ironically. As a stranger and imperfect human being, I have now judged him with all my might not previously allocated to my bench press. There are plenty of great gym shirts that are funny and do not suggest who you are as a person. And frankly, its okay to wear those types of shirts anyway, just remember that your squat or you boulder shoulders better be able to back it up.

You guys know of any other good gym gripes? There are tons out there and no one is perfect, but, as they say: Knowledge, much like a sturdy leg press, is power. 

Untitled Post About Running

It's (finally) 70 degrees out. Mid-April. No clouds. Something straight out of a Bob Ross painting.

For an active 20 something, the first thing you think to do is get breakfast to try and cure your hangover. But THEN you think that its the perfect day for a run. Which is funny because then you remember you hate running and you're not trying to lose any of your righteous gains that you worked so hard for. You're looking really good, by the way. Almost summer ready! You get out of bed and you get dressed and you head to the gym. Its Saturday and you hit all your groups during the week before work because you're obviously a driven individual. So naturally the only rational thing to do is to spend 2 hours lifting and give everything a once over. All the dumbbells. All the cable machines. Even hit that weird inner thigh, baby-birthing muscle machine. Now you have a great inner thigh pump. Make your protein shake and then hit the stair climber for a nice butt-pump. Remember: step down and off with your heels to activate your booty muscles. Your're done so you leave. Guess what?

IT IS EVEN NICER OUTSIDE THAN BEFORE.

Now, you're not an advocate for running in order to lose weight. You won't say it helps but you won't say it hurts. However, while you retired from running a year ago (LOL), you couldn't resist the urge to seize the shit out of this day. Laying outside is great and all but when you're done, you get light-headed and sleepy and sweaty and you did nothing but roll over to tan you new booty.

Against you're better judgement, you lace up. Put on those awesome running shoes on that you only wear when grocery shopping. Grab a hat and stretch out in your front yard. Set out on your sidewalk and there it is: Block after block of contemplating on whether or not you should turn around. Start off at a pace you think you're ready for. Feels good. Sweating out the toxins and releasing all those endorphins. Every mile you run is a justification for another bad habit. 1 Mile down! That's a Big Mac for lunch! 2 miles! Dominick's sangria screaming your name! 3 miles....really? 3 miles is a bit much don't you think?........Oh! I see. You're gonna smoke some hookah after your run. That's just good planning. Should probably do 5 miles so you have some buffer room for whatever shenanigans you come up with later. You're getting tired but you really don't think about how tough it is. Think about your blood pressure. Think about your cholesterol. You know that exercise makes you feel good and being able to do it outside is the icing on the cake. Oh shit! Mile 4 can be for cake!

"WOOF WOOF WOOF!"

That's a noise that dogs make. There is one on a leash in his yard letting you know he would try and murder you if he wasn't being held back. What would you do if the dog got loose and was coming right at you? Run? You're not that fast, Usain. Play dead? Maybe he's dumb enough to believe it. Then your primitive survival instincts kick in and you think that when he lunges at you, mouth wide open, you present your forearm. Let him sink his canines in that muscley, tough appendage of yours. Once he's locked, your dominant hand goes for his throat and your knee goes to his chest as you throw him to the sidewalk. Then you realize you just imagined murdering someones dog and you immediately feel terrible. He probably just wanted to imaginarily lick your imaginary face, you sorry excuse for a human being. It's just a dog! So you start praying some Hail Mary's and hope God forgives you and your dark, dark, tormented soul.

Your house is in sight! Just a bit further. It feels good to push yourself to accomplish something that has made you, arguably, feel good to this point. Why not do this all the time? Why not do something you don't normally do for the benefits of it? You're doing it right now. You can do it again. You're a firework. Let your colors burst. Finish strong. Log your run in your book. Grab some water and then grab a beer. Be proud of yourself. You have the time for it, you just don't think you do because the new season of Daredevil just came out on Netflix. Guess what? It'll be there when you get done. Right there next to Friends and House of Cards. And now you can feel better about finishing those shows up while its still gorgeous outside. Eh. Just keep a window open. Same thing, right?

Explore Frog Island

With my first Sunday off, at least my first Sunday where I had no plans, I had to find something to do. A beautiful 60 degree October day. Lions just won in London. Already meal prepped. Too early to smoke hookah.

I decided to head out and walk around Frog Island. It's half a park area with Riverside Park right in Depot Town in Ypsilanti, MI. Really never thought sights and vibes like the ones I found existed in Ypsi. Frankly, I wasn't going to bring my phone, but I'm glad i did.

The pictures following this paragraph were all just taken with my phone. I'm not a photographer nor am I acting like one. I just want to display some of the beauty of a fraction a Ypsilanti. It'd be great if someone who was actually talented went out and took some shots. Anyway, enjoy.

Non-Issue

Okay, so my inner and very outer nerd is a bit disgruntled with the excess of DBZ v Superhero "Who would win?" situations. Why? Bc it's a non-issue. In the sense that there is a clear correct answer. And nerd Sam will tell you why.

First off, this is the main picture in question:

It shows Vegeta and Goku against all of Marvel. Now, who would win? That's easy. Goku and Vegeta.

Reason 1:
Goku and Vegeta are two alien species who, in the Dragon Ball Z universe, are driven by one another to become the strongest fighter in the universe. They have more determination than any single Marvel OR DC character. How many episodes of DBZ were spent watching them train? Probably like 25%. Ever see any of the superheroes train? NOPE. There is no way their respective skills would be fine tuned enough to handle Vegeta and Goku.

Reason 2:
I am going to argue this reason using only the Saiyan Saga. For people who lacked a childhood, that's the first season of Dragon Ball Z. In this saga, the weakest Z Fighters the earth has to offer fought the Saiyamen. The absolute weakest of all fights throughout the entire series aside from maybe Goku & Piccolo v Raditz. During this fight, they are moving so fast, that the human eye can't even see them! They have to sense their ki. And again, the weakest instance in the show. No one in Marvel can move that fast. So, insert the 2 strongest fighters in this saga. Goku and Vegeta. They're faster than anyone in the comic books.

Reason 3:
In continuation, we see Goku and Vegeta beating the absolute piss out of each other. Throwing each other into mountains and Vegeta even turns into a giant monkey and breaks Goku's entire body. Whole body. And lives. Who is going to take one of those hits? There are 5 possible answers...

Reason 4:
If you side on the superhero's side, you have 5 possibilities for any type of hope. The Hulk, Wolverine, Superman, Wonderwoman, and Thor. Thor is a god. Superman and WW are basically gods. Hulk and Wolverine are known for being indestructible. Superman is the only one who can move fast enough to put up any sort of fight....the fast as a bullet thing which is still too slow. Now, my final argument is this: Vegeta at his weakest in the series, has the power to destroy the entire planet in one swift attack. None of these 5 could fathom that. Now, let's have Goku and Vegeta fuse into Gogeta. Now, go SSJ4.

I'm done. *Drops mic. Flips bird. Exit stage left.*

The Season of Giving

Now that Thanksgiving has passed, we look forward to most everyone's favorite holiday. Christmas is a holiday/season of family, kindness, and giving. But not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to give. You hear about radio stations raising money for underprivileged families. Same with churches and companies. The company I work for is doing an adopt a family program. We are donating money to the Adopt-A-Family program and actually buying gifts for the kids. My department got 3 people to buy for.

The first 2 were children, no more than 12 years old. They were brothers in a family of  7. Since they are in the program, they have only one parent, and have a low income. These children were told to make a list of 5 things for us to get them. Out of the 10 combined items, 1 was something they didn't really need. They asked for socks, shirts, underwear, coats, etc. One asked for a football I think. the 9 year old asked for "Books so I can learn how to read". I don't think there was one person in my department not fighting tears. These kids didn't ask for toys, which since they're kids we wouldn't mind getting them anyway. Instead, they just wanted things that I take for granted every single day. These kids are better people than I am.

Their father was our 3rd person. He was drastically overweight. I'm assuming living off of unemployment or disability. He gave us 5 things. "The new madden. A dvd player. A tv. A coat." I don't even remember the the last one. Nobody wants to buy for this man. He is selfish. He has 6 kids who are asking for legitimate things. And he wants us to buy him a game? For a system he doesn't have a tv for?

People do beautiful things for others this time of year. We forget our own selfish needs to help out others. We spend time in food kitchens, volunteer, adopt families. This is the time of year to forget about yourself and use your resources for someone else's benefit. The feeling you get when you see a stranger's child smile because you get them socks is the saddest and most beautiful thing in the world. Cherish this time of year. Giving may benefit you more than you think. Happy Holidays.

Star Wars Wars

So the other day I was approached with a question I didn't realize would be so difficult to answer. Most questions are stoopid easy. Whats your favorite food? Burgers. Next. Whats your favorite kind of music? Hip hop/rap. DUH. Next. Whats your favorite upper chest workout aside from incline bench? Incline straight-arm overhead dumbell extensions. However, this question didn't come so easy...

Who is your favorite Star Wars character?

Mind blown. How do you answer that question. Immediately, I wanted to break this down to make it easier. Like, favorite character from the Republic and from the Empire. Or favorite from the original 3 and favorite from the new 3. But the question was strictly 1 favorite through all of Star Wars aside from the extracurricular Star Wars Universe.

So here is my attempt at the, in numerical order, top 5 Star Wars characters.

5.

 Darth Sidious
   This character edged out quite a few potential #5's. It could've been Han Solo. Could've been Darth Maul. I chose DS to make this list because of his role in the entire Star Wars universe. Maybe the only reason there is a Star Wars series. He was, as Palpatine, the final Supreme Chancellor of the the Republic. He then revealed himself as DS and became the first Emperor of the Galactic Empire. He turned Anakin into Darth Vader. He was clever, cunning, and quite the piece of eye candy for those of you who are into wrinkly, decaying sith lords. So most of you.

 "You will devote yourself to the idea of domination"


4.

Yoda
   In the same vein DS was the reason there was a Galactic Empire that overthrew the republic, Yoda was a big cause of the fall of the Empire. If it weren't for Yoda, Luke would have never learned how to harness and hone his Force potential and defeat his father, Vader. Yoda was Grandmaster on the Jedi council and was dope to watch fight. Like, I don't even know how anyone could go 1v1 in a lightsabe battle. Dude was flipping everywhere. He's Star Wars's Oddjob...if you get that reference anyway. Plus, he was full of amazing quotes and interesting word placement. Perennial top 5 choice right here.

 "Wars not make someone great"

3.

 

Boba Fett
   Arguably way more bad-ass than his dad, Jango, even though Jango is a way better name. Boba. What a stupid ass name. Guarantee he became a bounty hunter, not because of the spite he had for his dad's death, but because he wanted to kill everyone who made fun of his stupid ass name. Anyway, this guy killed/captured/probably killed people for a living. Already dope. He is the best at what he does and that in itself is admirable. Plus, anybody who could fly the Slave I is worth a top spot. That ship looks impractical.

"Get him, dad, get him. Fire!"

2.

  Natalie Port...er, Padme Amidala
   I know this isn't Padme, but I really like this picture of Natalie Portman so I used it. Also, it's my blog. I could've put a picture of a guy sleeping a hamburger if I wanted to so shut up. As a matter of fact,

  SEE THAT!?!?!? MY BLOG.

   Anyway, I chose Padme because she is the ultimate bad ass female. She's sexy, smart, powerful, and brave. She stayed to help fight the Empire even though she WAS PREGNANT. She cared for her people and wanted to protect them at any cost. Plus, she gave birth to the character who killed the most powerful force sensitive character in the movies. That's cool. Her vagina couldn't handle giving birth to those kids so she died. Luke and Leia killed their mom. THATS why they're nowhere near this list.

"My only wish is that Sam Thomas will marry me so we can eskimo kiss whenever I want."

 1.

 Mace Windu
   The dude of all of the Star Wars movies and my number #1 favorite character. Served on the Jedi Council. Fought the Empire. The only reason HE didn't stop the rise of the Empire is because ANKIN SKYWALKER IS A HUGE DICK!!!! Either way, he killed Jango Fett by cutting his head off. Haha. Idk what Boba did with dad's head when he picked up his helmet, but I bet he cried a lot. Nice job, Mace. Purple is my favorite color and he is the only Star Wars character to have a purple lightsaber. He is easily the coolest Korunnai I can think of. Hats off to you, Mace.

"May the Force be with us all"

Agree with my top pick? Who is your favorite character?

   

Pokemon And Man

If you've every played Pokemon, then yo...

Oh, you're tired of me writing about Pokemon for basically all my blogs? That really sucks.

...u probably have wished with all your might that they were real. 11:11? Wish for Pokemon. Big side of a wishbone? Wish for Pokemon. Find a magic lamp containing a genie voiced by Robin WIlliams in the Cave of Wonder? Pocket Monsters. Found all the Dragonballs? POKEMON. Got terminal cancer and the Make a Wish gives you a wish? Wish for Pokemon, then be severely disappointed.

But we always think of the anime or the video game when yearning for Pokemon to be a reality. Like, "I'd spend so much time training and starting a bond with my Abra. We'll be the best team in the world!" But what about all of the corruptness in the world. If there is anything we know, it's that Pokemon are a reflection of how they were raised. Meaning if Pokemon were real, any Pokemon I owned would probably be really vain AND a huge pussy. So here goes my blog on

THE REALITY OF POKEMON BEING A REALITY IN THIS REALITY

First Sad Reality:

Pokemon Would Be Controlled By The Government.

I hate to say it, but they're just too built for this aspect of life that they'd be trained to fight in our military's. I mean, that's what trainers do anyway, but this would most likely be to the death. To most Pokemon, humans with guns would just tear away at them, but then we have Pokemon like Hypno, who is a psychic type, that could literally stop bullets, jets, missles, etc. Let's take their powers one step further. Who's to say a well trained Hypno or any psychic type couldn't just tear people in half with their abilities? Crazy stuff. So governments having Pokemon in the military would probably mean they couldn't be owned privately. Probably means they're all raised in training camps to be turned into war machines.

*Whiskey Break*

*Back*

 I imagine Pokemon in real life as guns now. The government can have as many as they feel necessary. However, if we want a Pokemon, even as a pet, we have to get licensed. There'd be restrictions on evolutions, types, levels, moves, etc. Pokemon are just too powerful. Do you think we'd be allowed to own Porygon? Those dudes can go into computers and hack stuff and get gov intel. A squad of Butterfree can fly over a city using poison powder and almost instantly kill off an entire population. Its scary.

2.

Pokemon Would Be Used In Gangs

So you have Bloods and Crips. Red and Blue. Fire and Water. Each side would be using Pokemon on the streets to "solve their differences". Consider all of the innocent deaths because of a Blizzard attack in the middle of a street fight. I don't think Pokemon attacks are as centralized as they make them seem. Also, Earthquake? Not exactly a move that will stay in the battle. This one isn't hard to believe because even the game version has had a new gang every single generation.

3.

  

 Pokemon Used For Gambling

This isn't as much of an evil as it is why they're being trained in the first place. Races. Fights. All sorts of competition. I picture Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan in a Kick Boxing Championship. Then the questionable part comes into play. Owner says, "Hitmonchan is the best puncher, Hitmonlee the best kicker. Why not breed them together?" Now we have crossbreeding and turning pure Pokemon into monsters. YEAH. MONSTERS. Who's to say that crossbreeding won't lead to health defects. Solution? Lab Testing on Pokemon. No matter how you spin it, its bad.

Okay, so now that I took away all of the good things about Pokemon that you thought there were, let me throw a new one out. 

4.

 The Aging of Pokemon.

Obviously this topic means Pokemon will die. So that is sad. But most things die, its a truth we try to come to terms with. But, some Pokemon can defy age. 

You're a child. You catch a Caterpie. You raise it for a few years after it becomes a Butterfree. By the time you're a teen, I can imagine this Butterfree isn't with you any longer. But Ghost Pokemon can't die bc they're already "dead". Voltorb and Porygon are man made. Like Ders referring to his Volvo, if you keep up with the maintenance, these Pokemon last forever. Legendaries, I'd assume, are immortal because how could there be legends about something that hasn't been through quite a bit. Now, most Pokemon probably have lifespans comparable to ours. Your original three starters fully evolved I bet live to be round 100. Same for most. Imagine this scenario: You are a child. One Christmas, your parents get you a Vulpix. You and this Vulpix are best friends. Fucking Bert and Ernie in this bitch. You turn 16, you get a fire stone. Now you have a Ninetails. Fast forward through many great years and experiences together. You are on your death bed. Your daughter is holding your hand until you fade away.Your Ninetails lays at the foot of your bed. What happens to Ninetails? Well, Ninetails lives around 1000 years. So the bond you had with your Ninetails will be carried through daughter and eventually a good chunk of your blood line. You can rest easy knowing your best friend is taking care of the most important people in your life. It's a beautiful sentiment really.

Alright, wipe your tears and tell me what you think of all this gibberish. Agree? Disagree? WHY!?!?!?!?!?