From Too Good to Meh

Adrian, Michigan born and raised. Got that shit tatted on my fo-head. I've been moved out since high school and I've been one place before now. Holland, Michigan. I was there for a long time. Now I'm back on the east side. I went from the West Side to the East Side. Like Tupac to Biggie. Dre to Hov. Big Sean to Big Sean. There are/were good things about each and since I usually just rant about negative things, imma try and put a "positive" spin on it.

First things first:

Things I Miss About Holland

First thing I'm going to miss about Holland is:

  That's a picture of State Park in Holland, but I'm going to miss all the beaches equally because

Kate Upton. Er, not Kate Upton but boobs. Ugh. I mean, attractive women wearing nothing. Not porn. What I'm trying to say is the fact that there are multiple beaches in Holland and thats what you did during the summer, people tried harder to be in shape. Holland is a very fit and healthy city. It's not because people wanted to be healthy for themselves, they just wanted to be oogled at the beach. Shallow? Yes. Did it do the trick? Yes.

Next Up

BROS! dammit, wrong kind. Hold on.

BROS! SHIT! I mean, closer. Just wrong thing. Alright......HERE:

YAY! It worked! Bros are a very bittersweet but very necessary part of Holland. Because Holland was littered with "Bros", you could get away with a lot more when it came to clothing. I love tank tops...NOT BRO TANKS. And I can wear them there and not have a problem. Not as easy on the east side. I have some JS Wings by Adidas and I can barely break them out here however, in Holland, surprisingly, I fit it. I'm not worried about fitting in, it's just nice to have less to worry about when you are trying to enjoy yourself.

Now, onto

Things I Love About Ypsilanti

There are a few things that I like about Ypsi. First, a specific type of girl you can't get in Holland

Attractive Alternative Girls. Hipsters, punks, emo(ish). The girls here pick something. They are that thing. And they're hot as shit doing it. Also, just the amount of ethnic diversity is basically an "Alternative Style" when comparing Holland to here. I mean, the Arabic women. YEESH.

The best thing about Ypsilanti goes along with the above point, just less shallow. People here are just really accepting. Races, Sexuality, Gingers; they're all loved equally here. Nobody judges me for being Aryan. They love me for blonde hair, blue eyes, and sharp jaw line. Even though I'd like to point out, I went from majority to minority. It's nuts. Its great though. #TheStruggle.

RUN!

Recently, my brother and myself signed up for a 5K called The Grand Rapids Mud Run. On the morning of, we woke up around 8am, brushed our teeth, threw on shorts and a T. Our start time was 9am, so as you can tell, we were pretty lax about this whole thing. We get there and I was just in absolute awe.

People LOVE 5Ks and I have absolutely NO idea why.

A 5K is a 5 kilometer run. For those of you who don't want to Google the conversion, its 3.10686 miles. But most people won't just run a 5K because it's a 5K. I'd say about 99.9% of 5Ks have some sort of theme or cause. People love saying they ran for boobs or because people were throwing paint at them(we'll get to that later).

So, this particular mud run I went to, people, quite obviously, spent too much money for a roughly 30 minute race. Registration fee was $65, team shirts were probably $25, and not to mention all the silly accessories like tutus people were donning. Some people easily spent $100+ on this race. I'm not saying everyone has to be like me, I'm just saying choose your battles.

The Most Common Themed 5Ks:

 Spartan Race and Warrior Dash

I put these 2 races together because they are the exact same. Both obstacle course mud runs. Obstacles like monkey bars, walls, rope ladders, etc. These are in fact quite fun, but don't think it will last forever. I think that they are fun and any non-running badass(much like myself) should test their abilities.

Run For You Lives

Now this one is interesting, however just a 5K. Zombies chase you. I'm not sure if they are allowed to touch you or hinder you in anyway besides making you contemplate whether or not you'll survive the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Which you won't. Because zombies for some reason are incredibly conditioned.

 The Color Run

This is the one that just fucking gets me. And not "gets me" like a twin would say about their twin, but "gets me" like I can't understand how dumb people are. Straight forward 5K that claims it's "the happiest 5K on the planet". Why so happy on a 5K? BECAUSE THEY THROW COLORED POWDER AT YOU. Like, you're colorful at the end and happy as shit. I don't know. Leave me alone.

Justification

Alright, I know I just knocked people who run. Running is in fact dumb, but that's neither here nor there. I think themed 5Ks are fine, I just don't like how we spend so much on them and build them up so high. Seriously, if the Color Run comes in your area, just watch your FB feed that day. Juuuuuuuuusttttttt watch. I do however love the idea of people losing weight in anticipation of a 5K. People who signed up and told themselves that they need to be in great shape for it. It's an awesome thing to see. I could never be mad at a success story.

There is one race that I've always had my eye on. Its a little more than 3 miles, but the idea is just absolute genius. It's easy to explain, but I think that this link should be enough to convince you as well.


 

Social Media Etiquette: Instagram Edition

This generation of kids has noticeably been more outgoing, be it in a positive or negative way. This could be from any number of reasons. It could be because of the subliminal messages in their Kidz Bop CDs. Could be because of the amount of groups they can be involved in. I choose to believe that a big part of it is social media. People feel comfortable saying things and dressing certain ways when they aren't directly judged. This generation doesn't change how they act when they transition from these outlets to real interaction. They don't know any better. One of the big outlets they use and just misunderstand is Instagram. This is my blog about

Instagram Etiquette

Background information. Instagram is a social media site where you post pictures. That's the main idea. You can follow your friends, athletes, celebrities, fan pages and their posts are all filed on a straight up and down feed for you to view.

Now, these rules and guidelines are all my opinion which means, more than likely, they are pretty accurate. And, out of all of the social media sites, Instagram has the least amount of restrictions. I'm sure people get upset about how somebody posts a selfie every single day. But Instagram is strictly pictures. Aside from food, you see your self every single day and thats why these 2 get the most postings. I think it gets annoying at times, but you also choose who you follow.

The first and foremost problem I have with Instagram users is the implementation of hashtags. Hashtags are # and they're used for searching for certain topics. For example: You post a picture of your Nikes, so then you hashtag it like #Nike. Then, if someone wants to look at pics that have to do with Nike, they search that tag. SIMPLE. Not hard to understand. Sometimes they're used as jokes. Which is fine because ironic hashtags are often better than the picture.

Example of purposeful #ing:

Those tags all have to do with the picture. And if somebody searched those they wouldn't be disappointed...mostly because those may be the dopest shoes I have ever seen. Whomever owns those must be really awesome and probably not compensating for anything.

Example of non-purposeful but good #ing:

Kevin hart is the MAN when it comes to this stuff. Just a good ole time.

And the next 2 make me cringe. These are examples of just dumb dumb dumb #ing:

#This #Is #Just #Really #Dumb. I mean, nobody is going to search any of those #s. I just don't even get it. I also follow this chick who tags #Cleavage in every pic no matter what. That's what we like to call an Instawhore. She needs as much attention as she can get. Likes = self-esteem.

Filters are awesome. However, don't brag about No Filters on your photo like we are supposed to be impressed that you actually are average looking.

Another no no is Facebooking or Twittering on Instagram...i.e. typing out a note, screen capping it, then posting it on Insta. GTFOH. You have FB. You have Twitter. Use them.

I know I mentioned selfies and how they are okay but annoying. One thing that is against protocol with selfies is when you commit a Blue Steel. If you get the reference, I don't need to explain it. If you don't get the reference, go to your kitchen sink, grab the greenest colored cleaning liquid you can find and have a chugging contest with yourself. Blue Steel refers to a movie called Zoolander with Ben Stiller who is a male model who makes one face.

If this is how your selfies on Instagram look like, you're mostly just self obsessed and screaming how lonely you are. Yes, you will get the same creepy guys liking all of them so don't complain about it.


Basically, you can get away with murder on Instagram. So just don't take advantage of it and digitally rape us. #BeNice #YOLO

Shame On You, Ash Ketchum

I love everything about Pokemon. Pokemon was a huge part of my childhood. I watched the tv show, I read the Manga, I collected the cards, I went to the movies in the theaters, I even went to a weekly Pokemon gathering at a toy store where they had promotional cards, badges, battles and trading sessions. It was awesome and now I miss it a lot.

In my old age...old age relative to the topic anyway...I have realized certain things. All of them awesome and confirming my love for the brand. All of them except one glaring realization.

Ash Ketchum is a huge piece of shit.

As a child, I idolized that guy. Now I am putting him up for examination.

Ash Ketchum is a 10 year old Pokemon trainer. His goal is to catch all the Pokemon. Currently, according to Bulbapedia(not making that up) there are 649 different Pocket Monsters. In the Pokemon universe, you can only physically carry 6 Pokemon; a rule created by ?. There is a computer system set up in this realm that will hold your Pokemon that you do not want/can not carry. That means Ash aspires to have 643 Pokemon in his computer. *Numbers not adjusted for evolutions*

Fuck you, Ash.

You want to grab all these animals and throw them in a computer to do nothing for probably the rest of their lives? Taking them away from their families. If it's a parent Pokemon, then the child is quite possibly being orphaned because of you and you aren't even going to use it. Just gonna add a page to your Pokedex. You never thought of catch and release? What if that newly orphaned Pokemon dies because of you. But its cool, because now you have a Venonat chillin' in your PC. NOBODY USES VENONAT. WHY DO YOU NEED A VENONAT?!?! You're literally a spoiled brat who wants a new toy and then just throws it in the corner after 10 minutes never to be used again. GTFOH with that.

And then there is Pikachu. The only justifiable catch you have. You saved a bullied Pokemon from death. Thats really cool of you. Except for the special treatment you give it and throw in all of your other Pokemon's faces. Charizard didn't respect you, not because he didn't think you were a capable trainer, but because you quite obviously played favorites. Charizard isn't a little bitch, so stop treating him like one.

PLUS! Oh yeah Jack-Ash, there is more.

You had no dad(that we were made aware of anyway) and you left your mom. You're 10 dude. Your mom has no one now. She is missing you growing up. She'll never get those moments with you again. When you come back, you probably won't be a virgin anymore. And there is about a 100% chance that Pikachu was your first you gross m-fer. Why did you have to leave so badly? You probably gave your mom some psychological trauma and now she needs therapy and medication. Why couldn't you wait to leave? Selfish.

Obviously, this just bugs me a little bit. I wish the person I looked up to as a child wasn't so awful.

Don't worry Ash. I'll comfort your mom while you're gone. *Insert favorite Pokeball inuendo here*

Social Media Etiquette: Snap Chat Edition

I love social media to no end because I love posting Pokemon pictures and music video links. It's my favorite.

However, while I am not the end-all-be-all on the topic, people just don't understand general rules for these outlets. These things aren't even made for my generation, but I feel like I have to teach a class to everyone who gets a freaking smart phone. Or write a blog telling you all how sucky you are.

Bam. Here it is.

SNAP CHAT EDITION

Let's start this off with a Fun Fact. This mascot/logo has a name. Its Ghostface Chilla and I promise I'm not making that up.

For those of you who don't know what Snap Chat is you probably don't care and I don't know why you got this far in the blog. You take a picture or video, draw on it, write a sentence and send it to ? for up to 10 seconds before it disappears forever. You can screenshot but the sender is notified. Thats it. Simple. And sounds like the perfect thing for our #1 use and #1 reason it should be used: FAP Chat/Nude Pictures.

Send a dick pic, get a tit pic. Don't show your face when you get the under shot of your taint. Send a naked pic and make it innocent with a sentence like "Look at these tan lines" or "Ignore my giant bush".

Never send a Snap Chat because you are bored, and have no intention behind it other than hoping someone may respond. You're lonely. Join a running club or something.

Snap Chat gives you all the tools to turn a really lame picture, like this one:

to something more enjoyable to look at:

Other appropriate snaps. Pokemon attacks

BUBBLE!

ONE OF THE FIRE ATTACKS THAT ALL LOOK IDENTICAL!







Obviously, there are exceptions to all rules. Some snaps may be appropriate for some people that arent for others. Like:

This is funny to me. His mom probably wouldn't laugh. Audience is key for snaps.

Another huge one that everyone with Snap Chat deals with is the alcoholic drink picture. Your friend snaps you a pic of a beer on a bar top. Let that sink in. They sent you a picture of liquid in a glass. Why not them holding it making the shocker with their hand and a sentence like "Get here now!". Nope. Just a beer. Why do I care that you are drinking a brown drink? Take a picture with a few of your friends and send that. Is there an exception to this rule? Hmm. Only if this person is getting drunk and planning on sending you taint pictures. 



Another exception rule is family, especially when you don't live with them. Love your family. Endure your cousin's endless barrage of kid pictures. You love them and they love you. Don't be a dick.

However, some pictures will never fit into an aforementioned exception clause. Example:

GTFOH.

Bro Science: Ypsi Edition

So I've been in Ypsi for about 2 weeks now and I have a lot of free time. A LOT of free time. When I was in Holland, I was doing all sorts of things outside of work. Smoked hookah with friends, video games, got to know all local wait staff on a personal level (i.e. never getting ID'd and never having to order), and I think the biggest thing that consumed my time was the gym. Who I am today, is purely product of the gym. When I say this, I want all the 90's kids to mentally personify the gym as Finster.

If you don't remember Finster, hopefully this helps.

Also, PLEASE tell me you saw the voice-to-mouth-movement of Goldar's brief cameo. L. O. L.

So anyway, I'd consider myself , mentally, physically, and emotionally developed by the gym. I want noticeable results and I understand it takes time but don't always remember that.

So now that I moved away from that base that I had in Holland, I am trying a new outlook into my health. Haha. Yeah right. I just wanna get huge. My 2 biggest huge role models are:

this guy, and then this guy:

Look at that mASS!

One thing I've noticed in Ypsi compared to Holland, and I'm talking outside of their respective colleges, is that Ypsi is noticeably tinier. Tinier in the way Thor meant it toward the human Avengers in the movie. I mean, I'm 5'7" and people here are still taller than me( Side-note on that: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit), but it seems like this area is just a bunch of people more worried about their hair than their delts.

If I could bring something from Holland here, it'd be the obvious shallowness of the 100% of its population. People go to bars in sweat pants here. Holland? True Religion or bust.

I can't wait to get HAF (use your imagination) and have nobody give a shit that I'm here. It is my birth given destiny. The only way I can think of to do that is how Arnold Schwarzenegger ( I spelled that right 2nd try, btw) got huge. He had 2 secrets, one of which may be more obvious than the second: He was born a triplet and, post birth, he ate his siblings to gain their power. He ate his oldest brother almost immediately after birth. His parents both being Austrian and bodybuilders themselves thought this was survival of the fittest and just stinkin' cute. He ate the his younger brother during his bulk before his first professional win. I mean, gotta hit those Macros, right? The second secret he had was sleeping with his socks on. He claimed that because he slept with his socks on, it incre...ah, you don't care.

Let's just hope I can get through my brother's wedding next week without seasoning him with celery salt. It's only a waiting game until his return from the honey moon.

POKEBLOG!!!

If you don't actually know me, there is something you will learn about me in this blog rather quickly. I am a huge nerd. I have over 150 Adventure Time, Pokemon, and Dragonball Z GIFs on my phone. I am on pins and needles for the season 2 premier of Legend of Korra on Friday. I play Halo as much as possible (Gamertag BetaMale89 if you need someone to teabag). I just like nerdy things. Like this:

and this:

The reason I bring up my nerdity, is because I needed to brace you for my topic today: Pokemon: The First Movie - Mewtwo vs Mew

First of all, if you got the Ancient Mew card for watching this in theaters, dap me *Puts fist on laptop screen*
Okay, down to business. I loved this movie then and now. However, a few inconsistencies that, because I am OCD when it comes to Pokemon, I must point out.

1. There is a scene where Ash and Co. are given a ride on boat by two vikings (Jesse and James in one of their disguises that would trick anyone) to New Island. Conversation goes something like this:

Brock- "I didn't know vikings still existed?"
Ash- "They mostly live in Minnesota".

MINNESOTA?!?! REALLY?!? Yeah, funny to parents who have no idea what the shit is going on, but every kid now and then who hears that line throws a Kanye-esque fit! Ash, you're from Pallet Town in the Kanto region. WTFuck do you know about Minnesota? Nothing, and that's exactly how it should be. HEY ASH! FIND MINNESOTA ON THIS MAP!

*Katt Williams's voice* Don't worry, I'll wait.
...
oh...oh shit, whats that?

dammit.

Anyway,
2. There is a scene where J, J, and Meowth are all in Mewtwo's cloning machine room. Just after Mewtwo captures all the Pokemon with his Illuminati balls, they start being scanned through the machine. Jesse and James both say all the Pokemon's names as they are scanned and they MESS UP. And obviously not on purpose for the movie because they only mess up on one name. They say "Alakazam" when this shows up:

 Does that even remotely look like an Alakazam? His spoons got big as shit. And this mistake bugs me even more because no trainer brought an Alakazam to New Island. Not even justifiable.

3. Dude says he flew to New Island through the storm on his Pidgeotto. It's clearly a Pidegeot. CLEARLY A PIDGEOT. I WAS 9 WHEN I SAW IT IN THEATERS AND I EVEN CALLED THEM ON THEIR SHIT THEN.

4. Mewtwo, at the beginning, was claimed to have been cloned from a fossil of Mew. How? There is only one Mew and he is alive....in this movie. I mean...I just don't understand it.

I try not to let it bug me, but this is important to child Sam, and child Sam was kind of a stubborn dickhead. Had to get it out here and off my chest. I do think the scene where Ash sacrifices himself for all of the Pokemon and they cry to revive him is still only 1 of 2 times where I've cried during a movie. The other being when Baloo dies in the IRL version of The Jungle Book. I mean, rewatch this and if your inner dickhead self doesn't tear up, I'm crying for you:
Get your tissues ready

Lemme know what you think of this post...or if I'm wrong, call me out!

Poppin' Cherries

I am a fairly new and unofficial resident to the debatably great city of Ypsilanti, MI. Coming from Michigan's fantasy town of Holland, Ypsilanti has posed more of a struggle to adjust to than I would have liked.

Holland is a beautiful place known for it's Dutch heritage. More specifically its tulips and windmills. However, if you image Google search "Ypsilanti tourist attractions", a common result is the, "Iconic Ypsilanti Water Tower". I've been here for a little over a week, and the only things I've heard it called are "Stone Boner" and "Cock Rock", because...well,

My house is so close to this "water tower" that I could in fact be living in Ypsilanti's taint.

Contrary to what I've probably led you to believe on how I feel about this area, I moved here by choice because of what Holland lacked in sentient interaction. There, I had more friends than I was comfortable with. I'm kind of a shitty person and there is no reason for that many people to like me. I had a few close friends whom I do miss, and even more bar friends who, when I drink, I miss equally. But the fact that people were great to me all the time just gave me the feeling dat dey be frontin'. This was later confirmed when I found out/was informed about a close friend/old roommate who would talk behind my back anytime he was presented with opportunity. Ypsi provides me with an area filled with people who just don't give a shit that I exist and if they have a reason to tell me so, won't hesitate. Painful to some, painfully refreshing to me.

Other than me having an excuse to post a picture of a man-made stone penis, I'm going to use this blog to talk about my new experiences and, more than likely, my very random thought processes.